pnut

Peanut doesn’t get it

He moved out of this city

Long before it got so weird

It’s not his fault

He’s just simple

Classic basic Peanut

Not doing any harm but

It’s the sort of thing

It’s not worth fussing over

When Peanuts in the room

We don’t have to talk about

The problems

The looming threats

He’s got the right spirit

His hearts in the right place

But he hasn’t got the facts

It’d take to long to get him there

So Peanut lives in ignorance

Fine but for the rest of us

We’ve got stuff to do

Give Peanut a puzzle

He can do it in the corner

God bless him

Biglari Holdings, a family company

Abraxas Petroleum

Southern Oil Company

First Guard Insurance Company

Maxim Inc

Southern Pioneer Property & Casualty Insurance Company

Stake ‘n Shake Incorporated

And of course

Western Sizzlin Corp.

This conglomerate is my family

These subsidiaries my siblings

And father keeps us safe

Father feeds us well

Beef Tallow and Crude Oil

For dinner every night

kicked out of church for arguing with the priest during mass about something he said offhandedly

Only people go to heaven?

Okay, then what is people

Human beans?

Be more pacific

If you weren’t sure

How would you tell

What are the requirements

A featherless biped?

lol my buddy Diogenes

Would like a worm with you

He took all the feathers off a bird you fool

Behold, a man!!!

It’s in the jeans?

Mine are different from yours

(Cutoff jorts)

Which one of us is a person

And what does that make me?

A person is someone

Born from person parents

Eh okay so we have to go back

And back and back

Where is the cutoff

Because this thing goes all the way back

Is Australopithecus in Heaven?

Would your so-called god let Lucy in?

What about LUCA?

Is Saint Peter standing at the perky gates

Measuring blood quantum

Doing skull science

Kicking everyone else to the curve

You’re supposed to know this

You can’t just say things

Without thinking them through

Don’t tell me only people go to heaven

Because i miss my dog

And if she’s not there

It’s hell

guts

On my knees in front of toilet

Gripping the bowl

Arching my back in case

If anyone walks in they go

Damnnn

Before they come hold my hair back

And i try so hard to wink

But it reads more like wincing

After another flush i go

Sooo come here often

Yeah every time i piss or shit

Or throw up i guess

Yeah me too pretty much

Hold that thought

My guts have something to say

And what my guts say is

Kind of a gurgling noise

The stomach has more neurons

Than the spinal cord

Around 100 million of them

You gotta figure

Even if it sounds like

Gurgle gurgle

That thing must be thinking something

Like too much liquor in me

Get rid of it

Or too much germs in me

Get rid of it

Or too much stress in me

Get rid of it

All leads here

To the porcelain altar

I’m getting rid of something

I’ll tell you that much

Gurgle

kessler syndrome

Dead rock in the sky surrounded by garbage

So much garbage you can’t see the rock

April Fools!

We fixed everything!

We cleaned up our act!

Cleaned up the Troposphere

Stratosphere

Mesosphere

Thermosphere

And even the exosphere

Bright clear skies at night

Stars like you wouldn’t believe

Nobody runs the faucet

While they brush their teeth

We get all of our energy

For free from all over

It is abundant in this universe

We sort our recyclables

From our compostables

And there’s nothing left over

Everything has its place

Everyone

We have what we need

And we want so much less

It is stable

No cascading failure

Of debris smashing into debris

Making smaller and faster debris

Circling the planet like a cheese grater

No more of that

It’s been regulated

The flow of space traffic is boring

Controlled and organized

That’s not the sort of thing we do anymore

Because we know better

After all what happened

a really good tweet that i would tweet if i still tweeted

transjender will win 😤

*gender

floppenheimer

What used to be a sushi place

Now just sells burgers

There’s an AI slop ad on tv

About hair implants

Somehow all of this must be

Must be my fault

Kid taking his shirt off

Before he’s even through the door

Of the Supreme store

So he can wear the new supreme shirt

I can’t finish my plate

I’m kicked out of the club

You know which one

I dreamt i went to get my haircut

And they wouldn’t do it

Because the back of my head

Was shaped like an old box tv

They said you gotta keep that hidden

I agreed and left ashamed

There’s a 15 foot radius around me

That turns CEOs into Goombas

Mario and Luigi

Stomping on heads

I dreamt i killed someone in self defense

A real bad guy

With a hook for a hand

I killed him

And it ruined my life

When i looked back at him dead

He was only a child

My son

I went to a sports bar with my friends

Played cards because i brought em

When i went to the bar

I forgot the name of every beer

And when the beer came out

I found I’d lost my appetite

Whenever i see someone in love

I start yelping like a dog

A dog witha stepped-on foot

I went by somewhere i used to live

Jiggled all of the doorknobs

Just to see if someone would

Let me in

I think these days

I like telling the truth

More than i like lying

But I’m just as good at both

Everything’s true a little bit

The way i tell it at least

On the phone walking around

My body looking for

Who my brain is talking to

Finding them and seeing

They aren’t even on the phone

What the hell

I flopped again

I say out loud on the train

To no one in particular

The train says back

Doors open on the left at.

Logan. Square.

I get caught in the turnstile

It just keeps spinning

Chewing me up

Like laffy taffy

Without even reading the jokes

On the wrapper

I ate something wrong

Now it’s hurting my stomach

Sleep it off maybe

The brunch place down the street

Has a line around the block

Like you can’t get a mimosa

At any of the five restaurants next door

The guy at the store

Looks at me like I’m stupid

Because he’s here every day

I’m just here right now

The construction is taking longer

Than they said it would

So the sidewalk is closed

The restaurant they want to go to

The only one i like

Is closed on the day they’re free

Slide another loss on the abacus

Work is too long

Life is too short

And somehow all of this must be

Must be my fault

the funnies

God the newspaper cartoonist

Is having a laugh at me today

I step outside triumphant

For i am not working today

Blue skies warm weather

Save for a 50 foot radius around me

Where it has started raining

Which follows me down the street

I can see the other sidewalk

Dry as a bone

But over here it’s raining

I can see the very edge of the rain

But i can’t reach it

Jokes on god

The cool drizzle rain felt nice

You’re gonna have to do better than that

To bring me down

Lightning strikes

And i get zapped

So you can briefly see my skeleton

Turn to the fourth wall

Charred and defeated

Oh brother…

youngest son/eldest daughter

Somehow it’s me

The answer to the question

Who’s going to do it

The if not me who?

Sure okay

I guess i just didn’t expect it

Though i should’ve

If there’s one thing my parents love

It’s talking about my body to me

Like it’s something other than me

Mine

I did the myers Briggs in high school

It said I’m a mediator

And i said duh isn’t everybody

But when i took a step back

Nobody else mediated

So guess not

If I’ve got to be this person

I’ll be it so well

I’m the big baby in charge

I’m the one who put out the fire

Think about it

Every time

It was me

That’s got to mean something

If it doesn’t well fuck

What am i supposed to do

Not fix it?

What am i for then?

No seriously I’m asking

What am i for

If not this

Let me know

If you know

You know

the future reeks of decay for some reason. Random!!!

The smell of death on the train

Makes you itch and lingers

Long after you’ve left it

Death is that way

Just like the smellofit

You probably thought

For most of your life

The stakes would be normal

No supervillain shit

No faction seeking the end of the world

You thought wrong

And now on top of everything else

This you must contend with

What will you do about it

And is it enough

Tonight the solution

Is to drink four beers

And say something really smart

About the way that things are

Count your blessings

If you can count that high

Curl up all fetal-like

Thinking if they get what they want

It’s over

The conclusion of the fascist project

Is the end of the world

There’s no stable way for it to exist

No this far and no farther

It’s extinction

And the worst of it is they are so stupid

So frustratingly stupid

Couldn’t it have been evil geniuses at least

Not these fucking dunces

Couldn’t it have been anyone else

This is embarrassing

You go to work and

Nobody talks about it

Like it’s not even happening

Like people standing on the train

Bathed in the smell of death

Just pretending not to notice

There’s something wrong with that

You know there is

sun

At the gym today

I was running on the treadmill

Like i like to do now

And through the window

The sun peeked out from behind the clouds

The angle of the sun

And the clouds and the building

Made it like a beam of light

Straight from the heavens

Onto my face

The most beautiful girl on the treadmills

Chosen by god to

Run my mile just a little faster

Than i usually do

(I wont say how quick

Because its not a very good number

But it was 30 seconds shorter today)

Afterwards

I walked home and i crossed the street

So i could stay in the sun

Worried I’d lose the eye of god

And then i did but it was fine

When the sun is out

Everything is fine

the bones

How bold to assume

Surely we will be among the honored dead

And not mulched up for fertilizer

Or siphoned and burnt in an engine

Surely they will dig us up

Gently dust off each bone

To sort them into piles

Boy bones girl bones

They them bones

Dem Bones Dem Bones

Dem Dry Bones

Whoever is left to inherit

This soiled patch of earth here

Must revere we progenitors

For what we did

Wouldn’t curse and damn us

Spit and desecrate our graves

Build real estate above our bones

Our important bones

Stagnant in wooden boxes underground

We will be dug up and respected

Not hung in a museum to gawk at

Not made into a throne of bones

Not boiled in a special soup

We’re going to be important forever

If they even think about

Not caring about our bones

Those damned future savages

We’ll show them

We’ll destroy it all

See how they like it

Good luck having any bones at all

They’ll be dead long before they're born

And we’ll be the last bones of all

For some aliens to come dig up

In one billion years

To respect and revere

my bones are strong because i drank my milk when i was little

Can i ride on the back of your motorcycle

I don’t care if it makes me look pathetic

I don’t care if i fall off

And break every bone in my body

I’ve never broken a bone before

Because I’m too damn careful all the time

I’m interested to see what it’s like

To be broken physically

But i wouldn’t do it on purpose

I’d grab around your waist

Tighter than you said i need to

I’d bump the front of my helmet

Against the back of yours

On purpose

Just to hear the clack

Feel you in my skull

More bones stuff

I think I’m scared of everything

But I’m only brave when it counts

I’m a coward about all the small things

I had to ring the bell

In the same aisle twice at Walgreens

Because god forbid i steal razors and soap

I felt more scared then

Than when the house was on fire

A fire can be put out

All i can do in this Walgreens

Is blush and try to make the guy laugh

When I’m like oh hey

Remember me from razors?

Long time no see can you unlock this

So i can buy a soap

And he’s like yeah that’s my job

But secretly he must be like

Oh yeah you really need your soap huh?

Really stinky huh?

Trying to break this lock down

Just to get at some soap

You must smell like shit

He must be like that secretly

But i have my soap and razors

So I’ll smell good on the back of your bike

And I’ll be all smooth when you touch me

If you touch me at all

I saw a car crash yesterday

I didn’t see them crash

But i saw them right after

T bone at California and diversey

If i had been looking out the window

I would have seen them from the treadmill

But i was glaring at the news on tv

And trying to make it make me run faster

It didn’t really work

I don’t think anyone was hurt

Other than the cars

But it could have been bad

I thought about you on that motorcycle

Smashed up bad

Then i thought about

Me on the back of it

Smashed into you

And didn’t mind it so much

Don’t go without me

If you’re planning on

Getting all smashed up and crushed

At least take me with you

So our bones can be together

colonial

Sometimes i feel like a colony creature

Like all of my individual components

Are pulling the same direction

Generally

That Way

Only it’s not completely cohesive

There are gaps

Friction and chaffing

But on the whole the colony thrives

Did you know

When a Queen bee dies

They all commit suicide

Except for one bee

Who becomes the new queen?

That’s not true i just made it up

But wouldn’t that be fucked?

I read about an intercontinental war

Between species of ants and termites

Turf war

This one’s true but i don’t know that much

Other than they’ll line up

And form a border

Somehow they know to do that

I guess by talking to each other

I don’t know if it feels better or worse

That bugs can do war too

But they can

There’s a bacterial colony

Growing in the shower at the gym

I took a closer look

And i saw bacteria Paul Revere

Bacteria George Washington

All gearing up for

The Big Revolution

But then the janitor scrubbed them off

I looked down the drain at them

And the part of my brain that thinks

Told the part of my body that speaks

To say

That’s just like me

tweets i would tweet if i was tweeting right now

I bought a stink candle so i can make my house stink when i want

Got in a fight with my coworker today and he texted me after telling me i broke his heart. Damn i hope i did maybe you’ll leave me alone next time.

Hey guys what’s going on

What’s up guys did anything happen

Thinking about when joe biden said there are at least three genders and that was the only time i liked him

Check this out: image of a monky

Hey can you guys watch my climate while i go out and smoke?

One time a couple years ago somebody was talking to me and was like i love your tweets and i was like oh thanks did you know im in the room with you right now please don’t talk to me about phone

Whatever happened to that Elon Musk guy you never hear about him anymore

I miss drunk driving so bad that they let me drive the train when I’m drunk because they feel bad for me

Sorry boys the wife said no sleepover tonight

Sorry wife the boys said no sleepover tonight

Sorry sleep the wife said no boys tonight

Sorry boywife sleepover

I wish i could go on my phone more probably

Getting more nonbinary by being worse at my job

Working on new inventions blease be patient

(Quote tweet of a stupid guy) you are so stupid, guy. I could help you but i won’t. Because you are bad.

Just found out about girls but id love to learn more

80085

First guy to come up with beer must have been like i wish there was something i could drink two of when hanging with my bros

Doctor says no hanky panky until the cast comes off but luckily he didn’t say anything about sex or fucking

Jeb Biden

Having a chill ass time on the trolley tracks to be honest I’m glad i didn’t get tied up all alone

Making it weird on the trolley tracks by getting a boner

Hey guys what’s happening

pbs eons guy just said this and i have no clue what it means

I got that Kuiper Belt on

So my space pants stay up

I’m smoking on that Oort Cloud

I’m standing on the hydrogen wall

At the edge of the heliosphere

Hawking lougies

Into the interstellar medium

Interstellar easy

Interstellar hard

Driving cars on mars

I’m in a 2002 Saturn S-Series SL

Going fast as hell

Getting sucked penis on Venus

By a girl genius

Oh yeah

Experiencing mirth on earth

Eating dirth with Colin Firth

From The Kings Speech

Getting stupider on Jupiter

With hot mercurian babes

Uranus

I’m with AJ and Big Justice

Giving Neptune

Five Big Booms

You’re probably thinking

That covers all the planets

But I’m from damn Pluto

A native Plutonian

I’m made of plutonium

My moneys

I’m growing em

My haters I’m showing em

I’m bringing Pluto back

Fuck em all

I’m bringing Pluto back

Ziggy

Okay don’t hate me for this

I know you’re expecting

One specific thing from me

I’ve done it before

Again and again

But what if this time

I Zag

numb-er

I’m trying to invent a new number

That goes up when you do something nice

I’ve noticed this thing

Where guys are so obsessed

With making numbers go up

So my thinking is

If we make a nice number

That could be the new big thing

Let’s get this going majorly viral

Spread this like wildfire

Oof ouch

Im not supposed to think about wildfire

Spread this like peanut butter on bread

Nice, good save

Hashtag Nice Number

This could be the new big thing

Currently the number is very low

Nearly zero to be honest

I haven’t seen much nice stuff

But I’m doing what i can

Please make my number bigger

It’s the best thing i could think of

Please

. . .

Thanks!

+10,000

Good Job!

my stuff

Beanie baby sat where i set it

Right next to my feelings

And other such knick knacks

You know

Bric a brac

Trinkets

In other worms

Junk

Stuff you can set on a shelf

Or a windowsill

And look at to remind you

That’s your stuff over there

Not going nowhere

Not right this second

Not on their own

Look over and say

Oh yeah

There’s that thing you gave me

The one i care about

I don’t but

I could pick it up and hold it

Squeeze it even

It’s not something that would break

But i leave it on the shelf

So i can look at it

Think about how you gave it to me

How i could pick it up if i really wanted

How it wouldn’t break if squeezed

And so on and forth

So basically all of this worthless junk

That basically means nothing

Pretty much just total crap

Is littered around my house

And I’ll never throw it out

Because this is my stuff

My treasure

My hoard

It’s the only thing i care about

And i don’t know where else to put it

flim

To me it looks like bleeding light

The good kind of bleeding

Like an expensive steak

Cut from the worlds most evil cow

Capable of knowing better

And choosing worse

All we can see is sources of light

And the places it cannot go

From this we can make a map

But that’s not what it looks like

It doesn’t look like anything

Eyes came after light was already there

What more could we be missing

Without a hole in our heads to pick it up

Perhaps tendrils of an unseen beast

Wrapping tightly around you

Puppeting you around

Or a thin thread

Between you and everyone you know

Pulling you together

Or like a different color

A new one

The point is

There are things here in the world

That we just can’t see

But we can get an impression

We can feel it there

Even when we can’t

Necrophiliacropolis

There’s no way for me left

To make sense of it

Besides that they worship death

That they want the world to end

So they can i guess

Rule the rubble

Luxury bunker

With all the slaves you can handle

That sounds better than

Idk

Doing something sort of uncomfortable

And having less money

???

Not convincing

I think the death and suffering

Must be the point

The motivator

Which is weird

Because you aren’t supposed to want that

We figured that out

It’s antisocial and weird

To be craving and lusting over death

Jacking off thinking about dead guys

Necrophiliacs run the world

Jerking their tiny little baby dicks

Thinking about all the corpses they’ll fuck

That’s the only explanation

And it’s not a good one

Why would we let them do that

That’s gonna be our bodies they fuck

If you want to fuck me

Do it while I’m breathing

Once I’m out I’m out

Retired from the game

For the love of god we must stop them

Before it’s too late

Because you know they’ll do it

Nobody will say a thing

Because all the bodies will be dead

Just lying there on the ground

Ready to get lubed up and fucked

By the guys who are running the world

Right now